Dating in Ecuador: 3 Friends, 3 Man Magnets (or not . . )

The three of us live in Ecuador; Polly, Molly, and Dolly (I’ve changed our names to protect the innocent). We are up to no good about 85% of the time, and the rest of the time we are fairly useless, but trying to do kind things. All three of us have gone through marriage, kids, trauma, and an international move to beautiful Ecuador. We are connected by a love of life, experiences, and the question of whether or not one of us will settle for just one fella. 

Magnets (or not)

Polly’s husband died about two years ago, and because they had a tumultuous relationship with very little action (if you know what I mean) she’s looking for what she calls “appetizers”. Sometimes she has a cheeseburger, but mostly they are appetizers, and honestly I don’t know the difference. She has big, curly, reddish hair, hip-huggers, and is like a yummy giant chocolate chip cookie.

Molly is very pretty with long-ish blonde hair and a pickleball obsession, so the latin men chase her down and beg for things like dates, drinks . . anything. She’s been divorced for many years (I never got a straight answer on how long) and she loves to date. Like, she’s on several dating apps and goes out all the time. Having said that, Molly is not a push-over. She makes them wait for a looooonnnnnggggg time before any action happens. I think for her, it’s kind of like a sport or a form of entertainment, and she has the absolute best stories about dumb things that happen. For example, one time a man who she had been dating for about four months ghosted her. When he reappeared a month later he said he went to Australia and why was she upset? I’m pretty sure she went ballistic on him, but I can’t confirm it. 

Then there is Dolly. I call myself Dolly because I love Dolly Parton, but I don’t like country music so there’s that. I don’t date. I’ve been divorced for about 16 years and after a few relationships I decided I preferred to read books, sleep sprawled out on the couch, and avoid all male eye contact under the theory that romance never goes unpunished. Yah, I’m fun. 

Stories From the Wings

As the perpetual wing-woman whenever we go out, I am vastly entertained by Polly and Molly. Polly doesn’t speak Spanish, but manages to be so fun and open-hearted with everyone she meets, that she ends up with the cutest appetizer in the room. She says that dating is healing her heart and she keeps it light, playful, and easy. I admire her. I’m light-hearted until the man in question says something stupid like that I should run twice around the park instead of once, insinuating that this would make me look better. I’m pretty sure I gave that guy the stink-eye and dumped him, but I cannot confirm or deny this fact. 

Molly speaks Spanish, and loves to dance salsa. She gets on the floor and, even though she’s not great at it, she is a perpetual learner and loves a good challenge. I admire her. I suck at dancing and am so awkward as to defy belief. We go dancing and I have a wonderful time being ridiculous and watching the Ecuadorians who popped out dancing at birth. I think her attitude to dating is like a safety valve; she can let out steam and always go home to her peace and quiet. I understand. Dating anywhere in the world has its share of minefields and it’s important to keep your balance, stand in the sunshine and know who you are.  

Chocolate Magnet

Chocolate has pluses and minuses. On the one hand, it’s delicious and gives you a wonderful rush of positive energy and long term pleasure knowing it’s always there for you. The minus is the hangover that creeps in and leaves you drooling on the floor. In the end, most of us keep dipping into the chocolate because the rush is worth the hangover. Those demented people who try to get us to stop eating sugar are only interesting in the short term–in the end we all throw caution to the wind and tackle some chocolate. Such is romance. I think if you can keep it fun and be clear about what you want, the emotional demolition of a bad match can be (relatively) avoided. 

My vote here is to enjoy life, eat chocolate, and turn off the news. Stick with the good.  

The Uprising

What beautiful love lies ahead for women of a certain age? I have no idea, but I can tell you that here in Ecuador there is always a party happening somewhere. It is the most celebratory culture I have ever witnessed (I’ve lived in 7 countries) and joining in has been a jubilant experience. Am I voting for hedonism? Not really. It’s more like joie de vivre because if you’re anything like me, you have probably been overly responsible and care-taking in your life so a little letting go might be in order. Maybe, just maybe, there is an appetizer in your future, or perhaps a big juicy cheeseburger (I’m speaking to myself here as well). Whatever comes your way, be a chocolate bliss magnet, and stay open to possibilities, sisters.