One of the most challenging aspects of moving to another country is not closing down your heart to the people you’ve left behind, and opening your heart to the people who you meet in your new abode. Many of us live our lives with our hearts closed off, shut down, and separate from who we are. It is, in my opinion, one of the great tragedies of our society. We have been taught to think with our mind and not our heart, that somehow the heart is unworthy of such a high position in our lives, that our emotions can somehow be separate from our mind and from who we are and our decision making.
Three weeks ago, I moved to Ecuador from Colorado in order to start life fresh, and focus just on my online business. In the past, I have lived in six different countries, and eight different states in the United States. I would go so far as to say that I’m an expert in transitions! This transition though was very different because I made it by myself and left my two adult children behind. My previous moves were, for the most part, done with my heart relatively closed. The pain of saying goodbye, and the pain of developing new relationships was almost too much for me. It would usually take me around one to two years to begin to integrate into my new environment.
How to Remove a Heart Wall
This move was different. To have this make cohesive sense I have to go back about five years ago in Boulder, Colorado, when I worked with the author of The Emotion Code, Dr. Bradley Nelson. As I did his make-up at Gaia TV, I asked him many questions about his work and the lifechanging effect it had on people. I was fascinated. At one point in the approximate 10 minutes that I spent with him, he braved a comment to me that I am forever grateful for.
Do you know that you have a heart wall?
I explained I’d never heard of such a thing, but I was ready to believe that I in fact had a wall built around my heart. Dr. Nelson proceeded to sit me in the make-up chair and using muscle testing, asked me many questions about my soul’s history. Things like, when did this heart wall begin? The answer was in the 11th century! He asked many other questions like, was it around the women in the family and how thick was the wall? The wall around my heart was 6 feet thick and it was built over the centuries as a protection from sexual abuse, cult worship, and the general mistreatment of women that I had experienced in each lifetime. The emotion I felt as he spoke cannot be underestimated. Letting anyone, especially the opposite sex, into my heart and life had always proved to be extremely difficult if not impossible. I think this is true for many of us as we are constantly railing not only from things that have happened in this life, but seemingly from unforeseen forces that we cannot comprehend.
Centuries of Abuse
Using strategies that he has taught in his book and in his workshops, he swiped the length of my back using a magnet 10 times. And then looked at me in a very cheerful way and said, you’re good! At that point I had to get him seated on the set for his on-camera interview by the wonderful Regina Meredith host of Open Minds. It all felt a little weird and surreal to be honest, and I headed back into the make-up room to clean up as they begin filming. As I washed my brushes I glanced up into the mirror. It was like a wall dropped in front of me and I was looking at someone else. Putting my brushes down I started to sob. It wasn’t a normal cry; it was a sob that came from way down deep in a cavern within me that I had never accessed. It became so uncontrollable and so intense, that I left and went outside where I could be alone and no one could hear me.
For the entire 45-minute interview, I sobbed like I have never sobbed in my entire life. It was as if I was letting go of centuries of pain. As the time came to a close, I mopped up my tears went inside and said goodbye to everyone, as it was the last show of the day. Collecting my things, I got into my car and sat there for a minute wondering what the heck just happened. As I looked around me the trees seemed more colorful, and the breeze felt gentler on my skin. In that moment, all I wanted was a cheeseburger. I know that sounds really random, and the only thing I can attribute that to was that I needed some grounding. Meat, for me, tends to have a very grounding affect.
Hamburgers and Rappers
As I waited in my favorite hamburger joint in Boulder for my order, a man walked in the side door and sat down next to me. I was actually a little afraid to look at him, as he didn’t look like anyone who lived in Boulder. Boulder is a Mecca for health and fitness enthusiasts, not musicians or hip people. In contrast, this man was dressed entirely from head to foot in white. He had a white baseball cap on with silver chains on the brim. He had white tennis shoes, white jeans, a white T-shirt, and long silver chains hanging from his neck sort of like a rapper. He was Caucasian and absolutely nothing about him said that he lived in Boulder and would eat organic hamburgers. He looked at me and asked,
How are you?
I’m fine thank you, I said holding onto my red handbag on my lap without looking at him or trying to engage with him as it felt awkward.
Gasping and throwing his hands up, he replied, Why did you just say that? You know what they call that, it’s called cognizant dissonance. How are you really?
At this point I turned and really looked at him. He was staring directly at me in a very intent way, and I put my hand bag down next to me and blurted out, Oh my gosh you’re absolutely right! OK, I am doing absolutely phenomenal! I’ve just had an incredible experience of clearing my heart wall and I feel like my entire life and past lives have all been shifted in an inexplicably dramatic way. I have never felt like this before.
There you go, now that’s the truth. From now on talk like that, he said, leaning back.
At that moment, my hamburger in a little brown bag was delivered to me and I took it, stood up, thanked the man in white, and walked out of the building and got into my car.
Angels in Boulder
As I sat in my car I thought, what the heck was that about? I did not see the man in white come out nor have I ever seen him again. Breathing deeply, I started to laugh from deep down in my heart. It was a belly laugh just like my sob had been a belly sob. Many times, I had heard of people talk about being visited by Angels, but never in my life had it been so clear that the man in white who visited me in the hamburger joint was in fact an angel sent to help me change my life to begin living from my heart in a more truthful and honest way. It was, in truth, one of the most powerful and beautiful life-changing experiences of my life.
What does this have to do with my current life in Ecuador? I no longer live my life in a state of fear and a closed down heart. It is a much more honest, yet painful way to live because I feel everything that’s going on around me. What Dr. Bradley Nelson gave to me that day was freedom. It was freedom from a past I didn’t know I had, and the freedom to live in the present more fully and to offer love and acceptance to those around me no matter where I am. I find it much easier to listen to my heart, its emotions, as well as its great intelligence and sensitivity. It’s as if, as the Grinch would say, my heart grew 10 sizes that day.
Check out The Emotion Code
I encourage you to look into Dr. Bradley Nelson’s work and seek out a practitioner if this in anyway resonates with you. I think what holds many of us back from doing large leaps like an international move, or getting out of a situation that no longer benefits you, is the pain of saying goodbye and starting over. And yet these leaps off of what feels like a bottomless cliff, are the most empowering and powerful moments of our lives. I wouldn’t change anything about my life. Especially not about the cliff jumping I’ve done to end up here in Ecuador.
Gail Storey says
This is so moving, Suzanne. I go through a lot of transformation myself (it seems to be a way of life for me), so I appreciate how well you articulate how powerful and freeing it can be, whatever the means that cause it to happen.
Yes, I know that about you Gail, and I’m so grateful that you even read the article! I love the transformation that so many are undergoing now. It’s very empowering and I love talking about it in writing about it. I so want to encourage older women to step into the spirit world. It is so rich and full of hope! Big hug to you my love