Scraps: Married Men, Online Dating, and the Need for Sex

He’s my landlord’s son. We are at the same stage in life; kids in college, careers in full swing, and trying to live our own truth and not someone else’s. There’s one important caveat though, he’s married. For 22 years he’s been married to the same women, but, as he explained, he might be joining his brothers by ending his marriage. Might. Said with a chuckle.

Scraps.

At some point, I, like so many of us, realize how deeply ingrained is the belief that I will always have scraps. Don’t hope for more, it’s not out their honey, just hold his hand through his divorce, get some sex and lovely dinners out, and hope he doesn’t ditch you when it’s all said and done. (The divorce, that is.) Then you can try online dating (again) to get over him.  Stupid is as stupid does, (thank you Forest Gump).

 

The New Earth, Relationships, and Getting a Seat at the Table for a Full Meal

 

What does a real, loving, devoted relationship look like? Whatever we were taught growing up is no longer completely valid; relationships simply do not operate the same way. Not only has the game changed, but humanity has changed. As a keen follower of shamanic practices, there is an enormous influx of new energy on the planet that is adding a new dimension to what we knew as reality. Given this truth, there really are only two choices:

 

1. Let go of old paradigms and rigidity, and freely step into the wild winds of change
2. Hold on, go numb, and stare at the television hoping somebody fixes this so that you can feel yourself again.

There are many losses. The kids leave and start their own lives, your marriage ends because the kids left (or it ended WAY before that), you look in the mirror and you are older, wiser, and tired. The landlord’s son even experienced the loss of his brother in a bizarre murder, that left the family devastated and his father dead 11 months later from grief. So many losses.

 

What does The New Earth look like and how can we get a seat at the table of life and love? An interesting phenomenon is that you don’t get love (or anything else for that matter) by wishing for it, settling, or having a face lift. We have been lied to; love and everything good arrives by the diametric opposite approach. You have to learn how to connect to the field of love and light that surrounds you. With that in mind, let’s turn to Yoda.

 

“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.” – Yoda

How to Connect with the Light and Love of Life (The Meal is Real)

 

The intense devotion of our world to materialism makes what I about to say look ridiculous. I do not believe you are only a material object, programmable and disposable. There are some futurists who preach that we are, like Noah Harari:

 

I think the maybe the most important thing for people to realize about living in the 21st century, as against the Middle Ages or the Stone Age, is that we are now hackable animals.

 

I am not a fan. The premise that you and I are nothing more than animals to be used as slave labor for the chief manipulators is simplistic at best, and an enormous underestimation of the human spirit. How can you reach for the most powerful and transformational energy in the universe? How can you supersede the craziness and bring life, love, and a new way of being to everything and everyone around you, foregoing the scraps we are in fact hacked and programmed to see as our inevitable limitation?

 

Do This . . .

 

Take a seat with your back as straight as you can comfortably manage. I usually sit on the sofa with a pillow behind me, hands resting palm up on my thighs or lap. Try to not cross your feet, legs or arms. Keeping your spine straight and body open is key. Close your eyes and take a deep breath, breathing in the word LOVE. Imagine the light of love coming up through your feet out your head, then do it again this time going from your head down through your feet. Focus on LOVE, and if any other thought comes into your awareness, just send it up in a balloon that pops and confetti (the thought) flutters away.

 

Keep breathing in LOVE and ask your guides (or angels, God, Allah, Buddha–whatever feels real for you) to help you connect to the field of LOVE.  See your breath as bringing in light and love, and ask to let go of whatever holds it back. At first, it might be difficult, but if you stick with it and practice, you will notice both subtle and dramatic changes in your body and spirit.

 

Real Love, Scraps, and Transformation

 

Back to the landlord’s son. Why did I go out with him, besides a delicious attraction? In truth, it wasn’t a date, but a friendly drink as we have known each other for a while. Why do we often see people as a transitory gas station? (Not that that is how he sees me, but it is a common practice). As I habituate the above process to connect with love and light (the divine), I am better able to see him in a compassionate way, and not as someone that I need to either rescue, or use as my own gas station helping me struggle forth in seeking that wonderful relationship that JLo keeps talking about in her romantic comedies?

 

The truth is, as you (and I) exist in a state of love and openness, relationships with any form of usury or inaccessibility no longer holds the same attraction. The perfect body and face no longer seems necessary (although I do regret eating that Crème Brule yesterday with my Spanish teacher) and our lives calm down and become less dependent on anyone fixing the world or someone completing us. (Yikes)

 

You Are Already Complete

 

The love you seek is not outside of you, it is within you, but not like you’ve been told. You have the power to bring love and light into your own life; it is the direct experience of the divine that we are hungering for, and there is absolutely nothing in this world that can stop you from accessing it. Even a dinner with the yummy landlord’s son.